He was 18 when we met. He wasn't tall, but dark and handsome he was. Broad shoulders and chest, strong arms, and muscular from working in hay fields with his Daddy. He tried to be a bad boy, but I always saw through it. Not very far into our relationship, he started whispering in my ear, "I'm going to marry you one day." I would laugh and call him crazy. Before he really knew he loved me, it drove him nuts when I would prop my feet on the dash of his old beat up Chevrolet. Once he stopped complaining is when I knew he really loved me. Still, while we're riding around, I'll prop my feet up on the dash of the Ford, and I look at him and grin. He has no idea what I'm grinning about, he just thinks I'm crazy.
He works hard for everything we have, and I hate how he has to bust his ass just to keep up a float. I hate that he's about to take a job that's going to take him away from me most of the time. I will never know when he has to leave again, or when he's coming back to me. I don't know if I can take it. And it's not that I'm worried about taking care of the kids by myself, I can do that.
But I need him.
I need him here.
I need to be able to see him, to touch him.
I don't think I can do this.
And I can't say anything to him about my fears with this job, I don't want to make it any harder on him.
***
A few weeks ago, I went and saw him on the rig. I love these little "get aways". I find someone to keep the kids, I load my stuff up, and I drive 4 hours to spend one night with him. I hate the drive, the drive kills me. I have to drive through a city that I hate and I nearly have a break down every time. But as soon as I pull up on that rig location and I see him walking towards me, it's worth it.
These little trips to the rig are our only times completely alone together. No kids, we're not at our house, we get a hotel room and everything is perfect.
But during this last trip, we went and ate at a Mexican place. While sitting across from my husband, actually being able to talk to him and pay 100% attention to him, without these three children running around, I noticed something that surprised me.
My husband is aging. He's not that 18 year old boy any more. He's still dark and handsome, and I can still get lost in those brown eyes, and he's still muscular, physical labor will do that to you, but I'm starting to notice some wrinkles around his eyes. When did that happen? Where was I? Too busy raising our children to even notice that my husband's job is turning him into an old man at the age of 26?
***
We're not sure when the new job starts. I hope that I can keep it together.
He works hard for everything we have, and I hate how he has to bust his ass just to keep up a float. I hate that he's about to take a job that's going to take him away from me most of the time. I will never know when he has to leave again, or when he's coming back to me. I don't know if I can take it. And it's not that I'm worried about taking care of the kids by myself, I can do that.
But I need him.
I need him here.
I need to be able to see him, to touch him.
I don't think I can do this.
And I can't say anything to him about my fears with this job, I don't want to make it any harder on him.
***
A few weeks ago, I went and saw him on the rig. I love these little "get aways". I find someone to keep the kids, I load my stuff up, and I drive 4 hours to spend one night with him. I hate the drive, the drive kills me. I have to drive through a city that I hate and I nearly have a break down every time. But as soon as I pull up on that rig location and I see him walking towards me, it's worth it.
These little trips to the rig are our only times completely alone together. No kids, we're not at our house, we get a hotel room and everything is perfect.
But during this last trip, we went and ate at a Mexican place. While sitting across from my husband, actually being able to talk to him and pay 100% attention to him, without these three children running around, I noticed something that surprised me.
My husband is aging. He's not that 18 year old boy any more. He's still dark and handsome, and I can still get lost in those brown eyes, and he's still muscular, physical labor will do that to you, but I'm starting to notice some wrinkles around his eyes. When did that happen? Where was I? Too busy raising our children to even notice that my husband's job is turning him into an old man at the age of 26?
***
We're not sure when the new job starts. I hope that I can keep it together.
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